this weekend

sooo saturday i went to a kegger party with the crew next door. it was in la puente. i was purty excited because parties have been sucking lately! inside there was a band playing live music like sublime acoustic indie stuff? im not too sure what it was but it sounded chill. it was a cool spot and everyone was older which is something parties lack of now a days so it was dope. so later that night in a hallway i ran into a guy who said he knew me from a mutual friend in whittier so i was like okay cool but anyway he told me there was a party going on in montebello that some of our friends were at. so i told my friends and they wanted to go there instead. but i had just started to talk to my friend rick (who was the one who invited me to the party) and he was going to blaze me out and he was introducing me to all his friends and the band and i was in a huge circle of cool people about to smoke and then my friends started nudging me and telling me they wanted to leave. talk about party pooping. it was so dumb but anyway so we went to montebello. it was a birthday party and when we got there everyone was leaving and it was lame. i saw some people i knew, but they had food and cake and i was just there eating a bunch of tacos and candy until we left haha. we went back to the garage at like 5am after that party and drank a little more until we all passed out. when we woke up we played video games and just talked about everything that happened that night.
later that afternoon still kinda hungover darlene picked me up. she drove and she brought her boyfriend too. first we went to a bar in cerritos that had a bunch of beers on tap for cheap it was a dope spot. then we wanted to go to downtown but darlene was not down so we settled for long beach. i thought i would hit up nathan since he told me he lives there now and maybe we could all chill together so i called him and he said he was at his friends pad and they were havin some beers so we went over to meet him. it was a sweet apartment on 7th with an awesome view. we go in and introduce each other and it turns out one of the roomies there already knew darlene's boyfriend it was so random but was dope because then it was even easier for all of us to hang out. plus i had not seen nathan since i was like 19 because he's been in arizona. so we drank tecates and smoked cigs out on the balcony the entire night. then we were inside just talking, being loud and drunk. everyone was holding each other and singing aloud to some al green. i dont remember much after that haha. everyone was super tipsy. it was so dope. one of the best random weekends i've had in a while.

is it just me?

why do i keep meeting the wrong people? could it be me? my surroundings? you?.. i am so uncertain of things, it really bothers me. i became used to knowing.. everywhere i go it's high school reunion day. and not even the people i knew in high school but all the people you knew and their friends know my friends and we are all somehow connected to each other and everyone's madeout with each other ahhhhhhh.. i try not to judge based on that but i feel like there is no one left to meet. whittier never used to be some small town nightmare but it's beginning to feel like one for me. i have not really been on a date where we just did not get along but it has been happening a lot lately. for the first time in my somewhat adult life, i'm meeting people and there's not much chemistry. I can easily point the finger at myself and say that it is me and i am the problem, but lately, i'm just not sure anymore. there are annoying things you and i do that i can shrug, but not even the slightest of a spark is just unusual to me. usually i kind of just give up on the other person halfway through which i should not do, but it tends to happen because i already know it is not working out. i totally blame it on them too haha. I am aware; I should not have gone out with the guy if i know it is not gonna work out but i'm getting stoned out by an alright looking fellow and he's buying me beers. i am not ashamed. i think i am being optimistic by giving it a shot. honestly, i want to be wanted and the attention feels comforting. am i a bad person? no.
i just have dad issues..